i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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