The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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