Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
