He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
