You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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