On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
