Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
