his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Randomize
