don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
