I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
