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this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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