Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
