dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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