So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
