Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
