It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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