im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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