i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
