I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
