Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
