whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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