I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
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I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
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There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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