After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
3 2 1 whiskey
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
