i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
