College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
