just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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