whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
