I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
