we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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