I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
