You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
