I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
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Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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