I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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