Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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