i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
