I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
