Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
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