I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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