fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
