omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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