thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
