i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize