Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
