i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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