I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Two words: blizzard sex
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
