I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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