my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
