i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
