and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
