you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
