I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
