I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
