Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
