One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
