i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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