oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
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