Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
