Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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