You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
