you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
