I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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