listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
you had me at cake vodka
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
