This is not my ceiling
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
