TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
