Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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