Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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